I walk alone. I suppose I was always really alone, but during high school with Oz I felt complete. I felt whole. But he swore he loved me, only to leave too. When he left, I became alone again. Then there was Spike... Spike is a weird situation. He makes me feel like someone, the only human on earth that has the love of an evil without a soul.

But even as I gaze on his wiry toughness, I feel separate and just as alone as I always have. He, like Oz, is from a different world. Domesticated maybe, but the fact remains that even though we seem together, we are a world apart.

And now that Oz is back in my life, I see them both in my perhiphery. Each makes up a part of my double vision. They are completely different in every way and they make me a better person. Each in his own way, in a different way. Except for one thing. The similarity which is the only one that has an impact on my happiness... the togetherness that I crave: They both might be visitors on a different planet. I can touch them but they will never be here, in the same dimension as me.

And yet strangely I must choose. People pull me to choose between these two men that are so different and yet so perfect. I don't think I can. Is it possible to choose between apples and oranges? One so sweet and deep, the other so bright and tart... they are so different.

I could look at perfection as a model, but neither is perfect. And those imperfections make the light they shine within me even brighter for it. Oz sings song that make my ears tingle.... Spike makes my heart want to stop with his silken bite. Oz.... Spike. Spike... Oz.

I see them now, together, talking. I wonder if they talk about me, and neither of them sees my heart being torn in two just looking at them. What am I supposed to do? How do I act with them together, throwing me completely out of my mind? So I walk away. They say time heals all wounds.... maybe it'll teach me the differences between an apple and an orange too.