The Town Whore of Sunnydale ||>
SUMMARY: We all find out how Buffy porn really originated.
DISCLAIMER: Same as my Disclaimer page.
FEEDBACK: Yes, please. I love criticism!
DISTRIBUTION: Ask and ye shall receive.
NOTE: This is sillyfic: so please take with a grain of salt. :)
Angel sat down behind his big desk, content. He had just finished
a big case involving a giant fish and a ... well, nevermind. He
looked over and spied an anthology of Yeats at the corner of his
desk and opened it, sighing with pleasure. Suddenly his desk cracked
in half as a blonde whirlwind came at him. "Buffy!" he choked out
as his ex-girlfriend slapped him across the face and kicked him
in the kneecaps. Falling, he trapped her and sent her down, spilling
what looked like computer printouts everywhere. She silently glared
at him as they both regained their composure. After a tensely silent
minute, Angel ventured, "So you're not happy with me. Want to tell
me what the matter is?"
Buffy coldly gathered up the sheets of paper. When she had a nice
stack, she threw them on top of the ruined desk. "Care to tell me
what all of this is about... lover?" she asked, the sarcasm dripping
off every syllable.
Angel looked down at the pile and shuffled throught the papers.
They looked like stories, and with titles like A Happy and
Torching Love he replied, "Hack writers?"
"Look...closer." Buffy ground out, her eye twitching.
Angel skimmed some of the stories and caught phrases like "Then
Angel grabbed Cordelia..." and "Angel caressed Willow's tears..."
but his eyes widened and he gasped when he read "His mouth fit smoothly
over Xander's..." and "Angel gripped Spike's thigh with a fierce
hunger..." When he reached the end of the stack, his eyes met Buffy's
and the numbing coldness of shock ran through his hands. The papers
fell to the floor. He stammered, "Buffy... I... this is... "
"What Angel?" she replied caustically, "Not you? Well, I talked
to some people and I want to know something... did you really do
Angel recoiled. "No!" he said loudly, "I would never... that's just...
I don't know how this got here!"
"Well, I found this on the internet. I asked around and all my leads
came back to you. Well, you or Cordelia, but she's not this creative.
I mean..." she picked off the first paper in the stack, "'She wrapped
herself around his rock hard member?' Well, someone thinks
pretty highly of himself."
Angel sighed and closed his eyes. He sat down on the chair that
was behind his ruined desk and started. "When I was Angelus, I did
a lot of things that I'm not proud of. Killing people was one thing,
but there were other things beside that."
Buffy sat down. "Okay, enlighten me."
Angel started. "When Darla turned me, she introduced me to not only
to killing, but to torture. One of her ways was to write lurid reports
of their sexual activities and let them read it right before she
killed them. Because it seemed like fun, I followed suit. I became
quite accomplished and in times when I could only kill the poor,
I sold the stories as a supplementry income. When I was cursed,
I stopped because I was ashamed of everything, but when I was changed
"You started right where you left off" Buffy finished. "But why
us? Did you want... what were you planning on doing with it?"
"Well, sell them of course. I was going to turn you and show you
them before I did, but before even that, I was going to sell them.
Slayer porn is actually a commodity in the demon world. I put them
on the internet with some advertising and let the nature take its
"You could not have possibly written all of that though." Buffy
got up and pulled another paper from the stack. She looked at it
and handed it to Angel. "Besides, this one is of Faith, so you aren't
as ashamed as you seem."
Angel read the story... including the part about Faith, Buffy and
him in Xander's bedroom... with Xander watching. "That's the more
embarassing part," he replied. "It seems that the fiction developed
a fan base and spread. People e-mailed me asking for fresh characters.
When Faith went bad, she became fair game. But I swear that I never
wrote a story since I've been back."
"Well, I want you to put a stop to it, right now Angel."
Buffy said forcefully.
"I'll try Buffy, but that's all I can do. People are nuts,
and they'll write about anything, given the chance. I can shut down
the main sites, and that should disperse the written porn enough
so that it doesn't get written in any sort of volume."
"Wait a second .... only the written porn? You mean
there is visual Slayer porn?!?"
Angel ducked in embarrassment, "Uh, just a bit... but it's
not a big market. Besides, none of the pictures are real, only fakes,
with your head on another woman's body. So no one really ever downloads
"Uh huh. Well, I'm going to leave now before I throw up...
you just tell me when this is all settled or if I have to come back
for a little more butt-kicking."
"Okay, I'll call you soon. And Buffy.... I'm really sorry."
But the Slayer barely heard him as she walked away mumbling "Gross.